Reclaiming matriarchal elements in the present!

Nileswar, Kerala, December 1987

           “Reghae (my name in Malayalam) wake up, wake up, theyyam is about to start”.  That was Prasanna Ele-Amma’s (maternal aunt) gently nudging me to wake up. It was well past midnight. I pulled myself up. The room was lit. Rubbing my eyes I tried to remember where I was. Oh Yes! I was in Pappan Ele-achan’s (Aunt’s husband) Taravad to witness the theyyam ritual. The sounds of the drum, thottampattu (folk song), bells, and voices of people flowed in through the window of the room. It was all happening in the big courtyard in front of the Taravad. I quickly got out of the bed and rushed downstairs. 

          There were people everywhere–relatives, neighbors, young, old, rich, poor, low-caste, upper caste – everyone had arrived to witness the ritual. Children were running around unable to contain the excitement. Women were dressed in clean-starched mundu-veshti. Some had jewelry on. I pushed through the people into the courtyard. The entire courtyard was lit up with tube lights and beautifully decorated with long streamers made of tender banana and mango leaves. There was rice, flowers, and turmeric everywhere on the ground. Preparation had begun weeks in advance. The rituals began yesterday evening. Traditional lamps were lit. Smell of camphor, sandalwood, smoke and alcohol filled the air. My eyes were desperately searching. And then I saw him. 

            I saw him last evening in the courtyard. He looked so ordinary. Now he looked extraordinarily majestic – beyond life. He was seated on a stool in the middle of the courtyard. His face was painted red, orange and white with elaborate symbols. His eyes had been darkened. He wore a huge headdress made up of flowers, wood, stems, coconut leaves, peacock feathers, brass, silver, and so many mirrors. His body was adorned with elaborate costume, jewelry, flowers and coconut leaves. He had huge red breasts. He looked red, dark, horrendous and yet, so beautiful. My eyes were fixated on the theyyam. As the drumbeat and singing picked up, the theyyam began to shiver. He looked into the mirror in his hand. His eyes begin to expand, bulge and then with a roar and jump, he began to scamper in the courtyard. His voice became deep and different. He became Bhagawathi – the Goddess – the Creatress, and Protectress of my uncle’s lineage. The women (mother and daughters) of the household came down and offered rice, plantain, fruits, and flowers to the theyyam. And then everyone lined up to seek Her blessings. Bhagawathi would throw rice or flowers at people. Sometimes she would question ardently and sometimes answer questions. I stood mesmerized as a child. The walls between myth and reality faded away. Everything dark, ancient, mysterious, life giving and also, life taking became the Goddess. 

Theyyam picture courtesy of internet.

         This happened every time I witnessed a sacred ritual art form from Kerala. I have sought validation and proof of its origin. I was told on several occasions to pride in the fact that I belonged to a matriarchal lineage. I wanted to know what that really meant? How did it matter when I no longer saw it structurally? Why does he and not she get to become Bhagawathi in every theyyam ritual? What meaning do the lines and circles on his face symbolize? Why those colors? Why do many of the movements remind me of birds, animals and the forests? Why do the drums, the folk songs and the sounds invoke such ancient memories and pulsating sensations in my body? My young mind toiled with these questions without receiving satisfactory answers. Everyone would just shush me and say, ”You ask too many questions.” I wanted to hold on to these memories and these questions but somewhere between growing up and pursuing an engineering degree, getting married and coming to United States, these memories got tucked away until recently.

                  In my first year of women's spirituality masters program I was introduced to Archaeomythology, an interdisciplinary approach formulated by Lithuanian archaeologist Marija Gimbutas, in a course of the same name at Sofia Institute taught by my professor, Vicki Noble. Archaeomythology is dedicated to cultural research with a particular emphasis on the beliefs, rituals, social structure and symbolism of ancient societies (Marler, n.d.). I understood that the evidence of a culture’s matriarchal history usually lies in the local art forms and folk traditions that have continued as a substratum underneath the foreground patriarchal culture. The revolutionary work of Gimbutas was based on this discovery, bringing to light the Goddess civilizations of Old Europe from the Neolithic period (8th to 4th millennia BCE). The course provided me with the methodology early on in the program to understand the rituals, symbols, beliefs, and goddess culture of the North Malabar region of Kerala, and trace its transition from matriarchy to patriarchy.

                  As I looked at images of Gods and Goddesses in Old Europe (the name Gimbutas coined for pre-patriarchal Europe), symbols, signs, sacred forests, sacred life forms, ceremonial centers, ceremonial costumes, elaborate rituals, masks, headdresses, temple life, oracles, divinations, and matrilineal societies, I was able to recognize, compare, and understand symbology across time (Paleolithic through present times) and space (across continents and land mass) and map it to the present-day culture of Kerala. I was able to recognize many matriarchal elements in the present-day life of North Malabar, such as serpent worship, existence of numerable sacred forests, ancestral sites, and offerings at these sites, harvest festivals, ritual costumes, goddess worship, and more. I even incorporated some of these elements into the making of my body map (an experiential art project for the Archaeomythology coursework; see Figure below). 

I am so gratitude for the work of Gimbutas. I feel more and more women need to understand her work because it gives women everywhere the 'eye' to recognize long forgotten matriarchal elements in the present culture, in spite of its morphed appearance, so that we may reclaim and embody it. 

For those interested to learn about Marija Gimbutas, here is a documentary made on her called Signs Out of Time. Watch it when you are inspired: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozaeuULrLjM

An Old Post on 'I am grateful to be a woman!'

dated SUNDAY, AUGUST 29, 2010

I am grateful to be a woman

To feel, to express, to cherish, to experience compassion and kindness, to love like there is no tomorrow, to weep shamelessly in gratitude, to spontaneously embrace life's storms, to forgive, to create without inhibition, to nourish, nurture and honor life, to dance without embarrassment, to listen without agenda, to act on intuition, to be a fool effortlessly and when needed to expand into the ones power, to argue tirelessly, to gossip without intention, to be vulnerable, to engage in a spiritual dialogue through the intellect, to effortlessly slip into ones heart & weep without reason, to drop the world and transcend into ones higher self – I am grateful to be a woman!

Why has sexuality become so shameful?

With the recently traumatic rape incident in Delhi on 16th December, women in India have woken up to speak about violence and abuse towards girls and women in the community. There is this huge talk around capital punishment for the men who did it. Maybe that might give our collective anger and frustration a momentary relief.

What about that girl?
WIll it bring her back?
WIll she be normal ever again?
Will that solve the problem?
Maybe it might create more fear in men and boys towards behaving abusively towards women and girls in the public sphere. Is that what we want?

Is there a possibility of dialogue between men and women openly on this issue in India?

At the least I am glad that we have begun to recognize this issue in India and we are openly talking about it. But blaming men is not the solution!

Culturally our whole mindset needs to shift around sexuality. I grew up seeing and experiencing sexual abuse everywhere from the age of 11 or 12: the purposeful dashing of strangers into female bodies, the unseen creeping hands grabbing at breasts and genitals, displays of male genitalia, shameful comments by men on the sidewalk. I learned to sense sexual abuse like a sixth sense at a very young age without even directly being in it. It came as a strong feeling of restlessness—every hair in my body stood up, my stomach churned and tightened, my heartbeat and breath shifted. I knew danger was in close proximity and every time I did not act on that feeling, I regretted it afterwards. I have sometimes screamed, slapped, and hit men to protect my body and those of other women in public places. 

I keep hearing this comment that 
  Who asked her to travel alone after dark? 
  Who asked women to wear exposed clothing?
  She brought this on herself?

That is the most ridiculous thing to say. How are women to blame if men cannot keep their sexual urges in check? So according to you the solution would be to 
    lock your women inside homes, 
    cover them up from head to toe in clothes 
    control their sexuality
so men can functional normally?

There is something absolutely wrong about this! Being naked and nude is our most natural instinct. I am not saying that all the nudity we see portrayed by women nowadays comes from real empowerment. Many times I have seen women dressing provocatively to attract men's attention to specific areas of their body. But that is what we are socially informing our young men and women through movies, advertisement, magazines and even religious dogmas -- how to attract men! 

Today we are living in a society which is fully dictating our gender roles and behavior, and even our perceptions around sexuality. Are we aware of this? We no longer know how to respond naturally and amorously to a woman or a man. We have lost our abilities to be sexual in an embodied way. We are merely responding to the patterns we have observed through media or learned through religious dogmas. Are we aware of this?

I recently completed my masters thesis on female sexuality and interviewing grandmothers from Kerala. They shared of a time (not more than sixty years ago) when women bathed naked in the kullams (or ponds) on one side while the men bathed on the other. They saw each other naked and there was no comments or abuse. In fact, according to the grandmothers, men of that time had such a sense of decency that they didn't even care to look. Sixty years later, today Kerala is leading in the statistics of violence towards women and girls? What happened to our men?

Maybe it could be because then in the culture sexuality(in Kerala) was so open and men and women were engaging in sexual contacts enough times that there was no repressed/violent sexual behavior from either sides. When are we going to start talking about sexuality openly and more importantly, the repressed sexuality of so many Indian men. Being in the United States, I have interacted with so many western women who talk about their experience with Indian men--how many Indian men confide in these women that they are too shameful to disclose their need to have sex with their wives because of the fear of being judged immoral and not spiritual. 

Are we empowering our daughters sexually around their bodies, bodily fluids and changes? I myself grew up feeling that women do not have sexual urges. Maybe our sexual urges are different from men, but to make such concepts around sexuality is disturbing. Can we be natural about sexuality? It is an eminent part of our existence. Can we empower our boys and girls to be sexually respectful of each other and treat each other with loving care and tenderness? 

What is our big issue around it? Why has sexuality become so shameful? 
I just cannot understand it anymore.

Can we be natural about it? 
Can we be sensitive about each others sexual urges and needs? 
Can we be kind and patient towards the other in our sexuality?
Can we learn to be better lovers - honoring intimacy and sharing love in relationships?
Can we honor each other as men and women, and be considerate about our sexual desires or having no desires?

Until we as a society are willing to talk about sexuality openly - forget doing anything to bring down the violence towards women and girls? 
It is not going to happen!

The Mayan culture says that starting today a new era is beginning that will be based on egalitarian relationships of balance (and not control) between men and women. 

Is it possible? 
Can we explore our relationships as men and women in a socially responsible, safe loving and compassionate way?
Is it possible?
ANy thoughts.. you are welcome to comment...

My Thesis Abstract

RISING DAUGHTER, SILENT MOTHER, AND FADING GRANDMOTHERS: A STUDY OF FEMALE SEXUALITY WITHIN A NORTH MALABAR NAYAR FAMILY STRUCTURE

by Rekha Govindan Kurup 

Degree of Master of Arts in Women’s Spirituality

Sofia University, formerly Institute of Transpersonal Psychology Palo Alto, California

Abstract

Rising Daughters, Silent Mother, Fading Grandmother

This research is my journey as a modern-day city-bred daughter of Kerala, India, to redefine, reclaim and re-inform my female sexuality through the discovery and investigation of matrilineal Nayar practices. In my journey to womanhood, my relationship with sexuality had undergone numerous struggles that made me question everything—gender perceptions, cultural and social conditioning, the “do”s and “don’t”s of a feminine identity, the age-old dogmas defining womanhood, the shame, disgust and silence surrounding body and sexuality, and most importantly the direct and indirect influences of mother-centered and father-centered cultures on my relationship with body and sexuality. A series of events led me to the doorstep of my matrilineal Nayar ancestry of Kerala where, for the first time, I learned that for untold centuries, the Nayar people had celebrated the sexuality of their daughters through rituals meant to ensure the fruitful blossoming of a daughter into a sexually mature adult woman; yet in my own life, I never experienced these rituals. Using the transpersonal qualitative research method of organic inquiry, I interviewed my mother and 3 grandmothers about their lived feminine experience in a North Malabar Nayar family structure and the various factors that influenced their relationship with body and sexuality as they blossomed from a young girl into an adult woman. Through the lives of the three generations of grandmothers, mother and daughter, it was apparent that in the last century, Kerala made the shift from a sexually open socially safe mother-centered joint-family matrilineal life to a sexually uptight socially unsafe father-centered patrilineal nuclear family culture. One of the most significant influences of this shift is the disappearance of the menarche ritual from the life of a woman and the emergence of marriage as the most defining ritual in a woman’s life. Furthermore, women’s relationship with body and nudity also shifted from a natural embodied experience in the mother-centered social organization to an unnatural objectified experience in the overtly male-dominated culture of today’s Kerala. Through these women’s stories my relationship with body and sexuality shifted in a positive way, and I hope that these stories will likewise inspire daughters everywhere to stand tall in their sexuality and also, re-define, re-engage and re-claim their own stories around body and sexuality, and also, those of their mothers and grandmothers.